30 Days Thankful {2013}

Every year during November Facebook becomes overwhelmingly grateful for things that they complain about the other eleven months.  There are three different types of people in this yearly takeover: the daily poster (never misses a day), the catch up (can never remember to do it so they post 8 days at once), and the radio silence (they don't post anything at all).  I'm the second one, so to save myself some time, and honestly, to make me the third type, I'm doing mine in one post right here, right now.

1.  Jesus
2. My husband (most of the time)
3. Lola
4. My family
5. My sorority
6. My home
7. My friends
8. My co-workers
9. My Church Family
10. Doctors and Nurses
11. Our veterans
12. Being born in this great nation
13. That I'm the one with the zombie apocalypse survival plan
14. Electricity
15. Sonic Unsweet Peach Tea
16.The ability to hear
17. My job
18. Having a boss who works with me since I've been having to take off so much lately.
19. Giant sun glasses...with polka dots
20. Cooler weather
21. Days that I get to stay on the couch in sweatpants
22. Puppy Snuggles
23. Black Friday savings
24. Atkins peanut butter cups
25. having reliable transportation
26. my health
27. Grey's Anatomy (don't judge me)
28. that my friends always have snacks, since we can never make it to lunch with starving
29. Kittens, puppies, and rainbows
30. Carbs

My HSG and follow up

I went in for my HSG procedure on 10/30/13.  The entire procedure took about 10 minutes, but about two hours of waiting.  The procedure, if you're unfamiliar with it, involves the physician inserting a catheter into the cervix and injecting dye into each of the fallopian tubes while having you turn from side to side as they take x-rays.  My uterus was the proper shape, the dye flowed properly, meaning everything was normal (except that the right side hurt like crazy!). 

When I went for my follow up I got the results of all my lab work, he did another ultrasound, gave me the results of my HSG, and let me know how we will proceed.  Everything came back good, except my FSH, which was high, and my egg reserve was on the low side.  He started me on metformin (I'm not a diabetic) at a pretty high dose, which so far has made me sick to my stomach all the time and I seem to only be hungry at lunch. He also restarted me on progesterone, but a different type. I take this medication for twelve days.  After that, I take a pregnancy test and if it is negative, I go back for labs on day 3 of my cycle (to see if the metformin and progesterone have helped my levels).  Then he wants to start me on a drug that is stronger than clomid since it didn't work the last six times. 

We will know more soon, but I have to admit, I'm really hoping that this month is our month.

Maybe?  Hopefully?

Photo Dump

People with blogs do these all the time, I decided I should catch everyone up on the last couple of months in photos.

 

One of my sorority sisters got married to her wonderful guy of 7 years. It was so beautiful!



 

I got a doe the opening weekend of bow season.  Next year, I'll be more prepared so I can use a compound bow instead of my cross bow.  On the upside, who is prepared for the zombie apocolypse with a cross bow?  This girl.

 

We restarted Girl's Night with some of my sorority sisters.  It was so good to see all of these lovely ladies!

 

I finally got to meet my niece, Clara. My little brother and his wife live in Ohio and I haven't gotten to meet Clara yet! My brother got married so they came down, we became BFF's pretty quick!

 

Me and J and the wedding.

 

 

I killed another doe opening morning of muzzle loader season.

 

 

This is what J sent me that morning, I then sent him the photo above.

 

 

*Happy Saturday*

Infertility Update-TMI post

We had our first visit with the Fertility Specialist on Monday (10/21).  I was super anxious, as I always am with new doctors, but thankfully I had my husband there with me.  We spoke with the doctor about how the entire process works.  It was a lot to take in, and honestly, I just wanted to cry at the fact that we were there. No matter how long you deal with infertility, it never gets easier to wrap your head around.

They did a pelvic ultrasound, and confirmed that my ovaries are consistent with PCOS/D, and that my uterus was slightly tilted.  At the time I was six days late, and had a negative pregnancy test that morning.  He gave me a prescription for hormones and told me once they were finished, to take a pregnancy test and (if it was negative) then I would start my cycle.  I was to call them when I started this cycle and schedule a HSG procedure.   They drew blood for about five different labs and explained that I would have to have blood drawn on the second day of my cycle, along with the 21st day. 

The HSG procedure will consist of them injecting dye into my uterus and Fallopian tubes and taking X-rays.  This procedure will clean out my Fallopian tubes, hopefully allowing me to get pregnant easier. 

Well, I started my cycle before I could start the hormones, so I got my blood drawn yesterday, and am going back to Little Rock this Wednesday to have the HSG procedure. 

More to come, probably on Wednesday.

Carry On, Carry on

Lots of things going on around here this month. It has been a bit crazy. I start back to school on Monday. Hopefully this semester will go well and I'll be starting my RN in no time. 

On to the reason your really reading this post: an update, right?

Well, on Monday my GYN's nurse called to let me know that my levels had dropped. Really, really dropped. From 16.4 to a whopping 0.8 this cycle.  Then she informed me that they could no longer treat me since I was not progressing. Instead they referred me to a specialist. J and I will be going to Little Rock in October for my initial appointment and to see what our options are.  I'm pretty aware of what is available out there and I'm not super comfortable with most of it so we will see how it goes.

Now on to adoption. Unfortunately that has stalled for the time being. The classes this round are on Tuesdays which directly conflicts with my school schedule. We have decided to look into a  Christian  based program that works with dhs to hold classes in Saturdays and to build support in a faith based environment. Why am I not canceling my Tuesday night class instead? Well, simple really, furthering my education will only allow us to better provide for a precious child that we have waited so long for.

Now on to something happier!

Who doesn't love that little ball of fluff?

More updates to come as I get them.

Carry On.

-B

Holding On

After four cycles on Clomid, my levels hadn't gone above 1.2. So, after much discussion, my husband and I had decided to press forward with adoption and take a break from the Clomid. 

We went to an informational meeting a few weeks ago and turned in our background check information. No surprise, it came back clean. We went on July 1st to do our FBI finger printing and have our first home study on July 15th. Once we complete the home visit, we have to complete 9 weeks of classes, get first aid/CPR certified (even though I'm a nurse, I still have to do it), and then complete a final home study. Once everything is done, we get added to the registry, and if any kids match what we are looking for we get a call, to meet the kid. 

On Monday I had my level drawn again. I emailed my doctor's nurse that unless my levels significantly increased we would be taking a break. She gave me the number to an infertility specialist in Little Rock. I got the my lab results today.  To our surprise it was 16.4! 

Ahhh! A glimpse of hope! I immediately called my doctor to tell them we wanted to try one more round. 

All I can say is that I needed this. I needed a glimpse of hope. I needed to know it hasn't all been for nothing. Please keep us in your prayers as we push forward with both the Clomid and the adoption process!

Surgery!

My mother may kill me for posting, but she hurt her back a work a couple weeks ago.  After she finally told us, (she doesn't share that stuff very well) I was able to make arrangements to have the day off to take her to the hospital. 

 

Whoever decided that 5:30 was a good time for people to get there for a 7:30 surgery needs to be kicked in the shins repeatedly.  Anywho, alarm went off at 4:30 this morning, J and I got up and headed to my moms to pick her up.  Once we got to the hospital, they did the regular labs and then took us back to get her ready. 

 

She was quite a trooper for someone who had to be stuck twice to get her IV in, and it was probably the coldest room ever!

 

She got to wear a fancy hat too.

 

The doctor just came out and let us know that she did great! She gets to go home today!

Right now she is still in recovery and probably will be there for a bit longer.  The she gets to head to post op and then home.  It will be a long couple of weeks for her, so please, keep her in your prayers.

 

 

 

 



Funfetti Birthday Pancakes

This post is a little bit late, as I made these about a week ago for a friend, but they're so super yummy I had to share.

 

 

All you need for this recipe is a box of funfetti cake mix, two eggs, 4 tblsp vegetable oil, 1.5 cups milk, and mix it all together.

 

 

It will form a thick batter, similar to your regular pancake batter.  The only thing is that these take a bit longer to brown up than regular pancakes.

 

Now to make the glaze, take your favorite icing, (I used the funfetti vanilla) and scoop some into a microwave safe bowl.  Heat for about 25 seconds until melted, but not soupy.  Add a couple tablespoons of milk until it is thinned out to the consistency desired for a glaze.  Then top the pancakes, add some sprinkles, and don't forget the birthday candle!

 

You can buy a pre-made mix for these, I think Hungry Jack makes it, but they're never as good as ones made from the cake mix.

 

Enjoy!



Red Fish, Blue Fish

Hello all!!

I took a little break for a while because I felt like I should give up all my social media, not just facebook.  Anywho, I'm back now, so yay!

So far there is no news on the baby front, but we'll keep ya posted.  In the mean time, I've just been working, keeping busy.  At this point in my life every other weekend is some sort of event, so we've been pretty busy.

We'll start with going to hear Bret Bielema speak at a Razorback Foundation dinner.  Really good speaker, really good BBQ!

We had a potluck at work for Good Friday and I made yummy strawberries, that look like carrots! Totes adorbs. :)

Our group effort Easter egg :)


Easter was really nice, we had a wonderful service at church and then we all went out to eat.


 

 

Then we have had back to back Saturday weddings!  First one of my amazing AST sisters tied the knot, then my brother the following weekend.

 

Also, I got to see a peacock.  My friends will gladly tell you about how I tend to come into contact with them more than your average person :)  What can I say? They're so pretty!

 

 

Jim & Lorena

 

 

And just for fun, here's a super cute/kinda blurry photo of the brat!

 

 

*Happy Saturday!*

1-fish 2-fish

I was given some {somewhat} bad news this week. But before I share it, let me tell you what I went through to find it out.

 

Tuesday while I was at work my phone started ringing.  My OBGYN's office was calling. I immediately answered and was told that after my doctor viewed my most recent lab work, he wanted to see me immediately.  They scheduled my appointment for the next morning {amazing right?  I mean if you call to schedule an appointment it's a three week wait, but sure I'll take a next day appointment}.  I arrive at the office and the nurse almost immediately calls me back.  She goes over the normal stuff, what medications I'm taking, why I'm here, pharmacy, ya know the norm.  Then she looks at me a very seriously asks "Do you have a family history of breast, ovarian, or colon cancers?" Then leaves the room.

 

15 minutes.

 

15 frickin' minutes alone to think the worst.

 

15 frickin' minutes alone to think that I was about to be referred to oncology based on labs or told I'd never be able to have a kid.

 

15 minutes in hell.

 

Then my OB comes in, all smiles, and discussed my labs.  Reason for the visit?  To tell me if the next round of clomid doesn't take we have to increase the dosage, and go from there.

 

What did we learn from this?

 

It took 15 minutes and $35 to decide that I hate my OB's nurse.

 

 

Also, I'm fine, apparently she just neglected to inform me that she needed to update my family history in my chart.  Who does that?!?! I mean for Pete's sake, I do this everyday and if I need to update a history, I inform the patient {well, their parent, as I'm a pediatric nurse} that I need to do some updates, as not to freak them out.

 

 *Happy Saturday*

Round 1

Isn't it amazing that so many people have "oops" babies.  I mean think back to junior high sex education videos that made it seem like if a guy looked at you sideways sperm could magically jump from him into you and you'd be knocked up.  They made it seem as if getting pregnant was the easiest thing in the world and if you tripped and fell on a guy, you'd be stuck with him for the next 18 years, 9 months.  Amazing how when you start trying to conceive, you find out just how difficult it really is to make a baby.  You begin to look at those knocked up sixteen year olds with envy {probably the least flattering thing in the world to admit}.  You learn that everything is about timing, and well, luck. 

Well, we made it through round one...barely.  I have learned that I can full on sob for no reason at all.  Take super bowl Sunday for example.  All day long I cried, ALL.DAY.LONG.  I couldn't stop it.  Poor J just kept asking what to do to make it better.  Finally I made him leave and go to the superbowl party, but by seven I was texting him to come home because I missed him.  He is {so far} dealing with my crazy pretty well.  I have on at least two more occassions bawled for no reason.  Well, the first one I blame on Carrie Underwood.  God bless my husband who tries to be sweet to me: He got up turned on CMT and got in the shower.  What song was on?  Temporary home.  I lost it.  Second time?  We were riding in the car and for no reason at all I just started to sob.  No song, no comments, just full on crying for no reason.  There have been a few other times but those are the ones that made me feel the craziest. 

I want a baby.  Like crazy bad.  So I started my meds, vitamins, taking my temp, ovulation kits,  no drinking, rock-n- roll, sushi, caffeine {ok so the last two I'm REALLY REALLY REALLY trying on, but I mean I do love sushi and as soon as I knew I should stop eating it, it's all I have wanted!  I mean I've been eating tempura sushi, so that doesn't really count, right?}, I even have charts for everything.  It's crazy hard not to become obsessed with numbers.  I mean there are so many numbers that affect you.  For example, I had my progesterone level drawn yesterday.  This month it's a whopping 0.7 {are you kidding me!?!?}.  Even with provera and clomid, it has barely made progress.  So if my levels ever do increase, I actually get pregnant, I now have to worry about if my levels are doubling/rising at an appropriate pace or my body will miscarry.  So what am I doing? Trying to stay positive and I'm looking into yoga.  Because that's the totally logical response to all the crazy in my life.  If I dwell on any of it for too long, I just get discouraged.  Especially every time I get a frownie face on a stick that controls my life.  I've been focusing more on petty things like how the girl at the clinique counter told me I'm "three shades from the whitest color they make"...geez. 

On to something more optimistic.  We have chosen nursery colors, and even bought a book shelf so that I can get rid of the big desk in that room.  We have decided on gray, white, and yellow.  All gender neutral, and it goes with the Winnie the Pooh theme I want.  We have decided that the walls will be gray with one accent wall that is yellow and white stripes.  Any volunteers for painting?  I've already volunteered my sister in law after she made the mistake of saying that she loves to paint.  Anyway, we are going to sand all of the furniture (it's been in my family for a while), paint it white, and reupholster the cushions on the glider so that they will match the color scheme.  I now have a box full of items labeled "Future tiny human stuff."   But more on that later.  I'll keep you posted on what's going on with my fertility, and I'll get back to my regular posting {Just for you Amanda!} in a couple of days.  I'll also back track and share some of the super fun stuff we did at work for Valentine's Day!


                                                                    *Happy Saturday*

Laying an egg...

 

 

 

 

Today I'm going to talk about something that unfortunately has become a reality for me...Infertility.

 

I never in a million years dreamed that I would struggle with poly-cystic ovaries. I never thought that when I was finally ready to have a family, I would have problems.  I mean, I went to college, got married, bought a house, have a good job.  Why is this the thing that is so damn difficult?  Well, here's my story.

 

When I was young, my cycles were irregular.  The solution? Birth control. I stayed on it for about 9 years.  I stopped taking the pill in December 2009, after I got married.  I knew it would take a while for my body to regulate and start making its own hormones again. But mine didn't. On average I will ovulate on my own maybe once a year.  I don't get any signs about any of it. When that yearly cycle shows up I'm as surprised as a 16 year old who finds out they've been knocked up. (So P.C., I know)  This is a secret that I've we've struggled with since around April 2010. We only let our families know recently.  Every time I see facebook that another one of my friends is expecting, it stings that much more. But what hurts the most is when I see children that are abused, neglected, brought into DHS custody, or even still with parents who don't care about them.  Why did those people get the one thing I so desperately want?

 

No hard feelings to my friends who have babies or are expecting.  I'm stoked for each of you.  This is in no way, shape, or form about you.  This is about people who don't think of others struggles and ask me all the time, "So, when are you guys gonna have kids?"  There is something so irritating about having to smile and say "Oh, ya know, when were ready."  When all you really want to say is "Wish I could" or "Well, if it were up to me, two years ago."  Or what you really want to do is make them feel like total assholes for asking. That's the route I've started taking with some people.  Like the doctors office. I'm the worst patient ever. I call to get my lab results or get them to put in a lab order and they take forever to call me back or put in the order, I get a little over dramatic about it.  I ask things like "Do you have children? Oh, you do? Well I would love to have one in the next two years and unlike you, day 23 of my cycle doesn't come every month, so put the damn order in!" Yes, I know, it reads a little crazy.  But it is aggravating when you are doing what the doctor says to do and the front or the nurses are dragging their heels when it comes to labs. 

 

On to labs...

In November, I had a progesterone level drawn.  It as 0.5 which is non-ovulatory.  So December meant double the hormones, double the crazy, and a new level to be drawn on January 11.  That level, decreased. Are you effin' kidding me!?!  Hate life. So I called and scheduled an appointment to see my OB-GYN. We needed to have a talk. The hubs decided he wanted to come with this time, after all, two people listening is better than one, angry, emotional, mess of a person listening while try not to yell at the doctor and cause a scene, right?

 

The visit...
After a very awkward, surprise exam at my visit, we spoke with the doctor about our concerns, that we were ready to start a family, and that we needed to know what to do. He gave us our options, and sent me in clomid and provera.  I start it this month (in a couple of weeks). I wasn't as emotional or crazy as I honestly thought I would be.

 

What's next...
A bunch of eating better, basil body temps, charting, taking medications, vitamins, and prayer.

 

An ending note...

I hope that I'm not offending anyone, but then again, it's about me this time and those who would be offended probably stopped reading after the "knocked-up 16 year old" comment. If after a couple of years (if I make it that long) of fertility treatments and all the hoop jumping doesn't work, I'm totally pro-adoption.  There are lots of babies that need good homes.  I always wanted to have one and adopt one anyway.  My message to those reading is to think before you ask people things like "So when are you gonna have a kid?"  You do not know what road they are walking down or how well they are dealing with it.  I don't want sympathy.  I want people to be mindful of others and not put them in an uncomfortable spot where they have to lie to people for YEARS.  Not your marriage/relationship/family?  NOT your place to ask.  I hope and pray nobody has to ever go through this struggle.  But if you know someone who does, be supportive for them. They don't need your sympathy, though "I'm sorry" is said with sympathy, it will not fix this. Be their support net, if they are ready to talk, listen, but don't push.  I plan to blog about our journey with this, we just wanted to tell our families first.

 

Happy Tuesday.



4.5 down/ I fell off the face of the earth

So we decided to do a "biggest loser" thing at work.  I signed up thinking, yeah, sure, why not?  I downloaded the "my fitness pal" app and put in all my info.  I'm counting calories, drinking water, all that jazz.  In the first week I lost 4.5 pounds. Yay! Go me!

Here's why I struggle so much, but put a little differently. 

A friend of mine has a problem with fake-authority.  She does things like "oh, my car says I need an oil change? I'mma change the oil when I want to!" and "oh, I can't have chocolate? Watch me eat chocolate covered everything!"  I'm that way about dieting. If I realize I can't have it, I think I need it.  Like buffalo wings, yes, buffalo wings.  I can go 3 months without them, but the minute I start dieting, I can't stop thinking about them!  I haven't had a real coke in a week. I'm drinking about 2 liters of water a day, and probably peeing twice that amount. All I want to do is go to applebee's with some friends and chow on some buffalo wings, with blue cheese dressing, no celery.  Why no celery? Who wants veggies when you can chow on deep-fried, over sauce, awful for you, wings.  I also have talked myself out of Reese's peanut butter cups like 5 times. I've got mad will power skills.

As one of my dear friends pointed out, I have not been blogging lately. My  bad. 

I have had a crazy few weeks. We had an awful storm and lost power for five days. Yes, five. Everything in my house is electric! It was Fa-Ree-Zing!  Lola went to work with J because it was like 38 degrees in the house, there were about 192k people without power in central Arkansas!  I would charge my phone and laptop at work during the day and we would watch DVDs of Dawson's Creek until it died every night.  Other than that fiasco, I have been sick every other day, and have been catching up on sleep. 

Well, I'm off to bed. I've got to clean house in the am.  Check back on Tuesday for a brand-spankin' new, awesomely insightful, post.